first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
