My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
