I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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