If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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