God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
