we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
