she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
