I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
