I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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