I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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