allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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