she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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