I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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