it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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