I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
