True but thats because hes a fetus.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
