Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he was CRYING into my vagina
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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