Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i will never coherently bang her
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
