I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
