Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize