Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
