Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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