dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
