and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
