Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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