Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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