YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
