just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
