This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
