Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
