I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
