1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
