Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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