Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
