Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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