You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
