I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
