I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
