u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
