I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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