So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize