Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
