so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Shame - the story of my life.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
