I must be too annoying 4 u.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
