i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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