Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
