Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize