My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
