New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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