Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
