toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
