As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
