We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
