So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
