Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
