she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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