I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ambien. No doubt about it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
