"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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