You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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