just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
