I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
