i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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