Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We're too hungover to prance.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
