Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
