A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
