God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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