But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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