I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
